Lessons in Loss: How Grief Transforms and Heals

Some life lessons don’t come with a cute little syllabus or a step-by-step guide. Nope. Some lessons punch you in the gut, leave you breathless, and still have the nerve to leave you with homework. I realized this when my grandmother, Doll, passed away. Grief is funny like that. One minute it’s shaking you up, and the next, it’s waking you up—and you’re left trying to figure out which one just happened.

If you’ve experienced loss or are going through it now, I hope this blog helps you navigate it. The truth? People are leaving this Earth FAST. Losing grandparents is something we’re aware of, but when it happens, the pain that follows is indescribable—especially when your grandparents are as phenomenal as mine was. Granny’s passing hit me like a train, taking the wind right out of me.

There’s been a question echoing in my heart lately: What’s the lesson? The thing is, some lessons don’t reveal themselves right away. It can take years. I’m realizing now that part of this lesson couldn’t unfold until Granny was no longer physically with us. The magnitude of who she was—both on her own and within our family—only truly hit once we couldn’t access her anymore.

When you lose a big part of yourself like that, there’s no 3-step guide to follow. But here’s what I can tell you: Take your time. Don’t rush the process. Grief doesn’t work on a timeline, and nobody can tell you how long you should feel it. My grandmother passed on 7/28/23, and some days, it still feels fresh. In fact, I’m crying as I write this because I miss her so much.

Grief is like the ocean—some days it’s calm, but others? You’ve just got to brace yourself for those monster waves.

This reminds me of an episode of Grey’s Anatomy (yes, my daughter’s 1000th rewatch). There’s this scene where a doctor had just lost her mom and was returning to work. She was scheduled to perform a heart surgery, and everyone was nervous she’d freeze up mid-procedure. She removed the patient’s pacemaker and then paused for what felt like forever. Just when her colleagues thought she was losing it, she said, “Wait! I’m waiting on the heart to realize it has to beat on its own without that pacemaker.”

God brought that scene back to me as I’ve been grieving. My Granny was my pacemaker, and now my heart has to learn how to beat without her.

We always talk about the pain of grief, but can I tell you about the silver linings? Grief has taught me about perspective. Things I used to stress about seem insignificant now. What I value most? Peace, kindness, and love. And let me be real with you—it’s a sad truth, but a lot of that love and kindness won’t come from your family. My grandmother used to say, “The family you come from is important, but the family you create? That’s everything.” She also used to tell me, “Don’t worry about people who’ve wronged you—what’s in the wash will come out in the rinse.” Powerful, right?

Life is beautiful, and it’s meant to be enjoyed. Memories are what we leave behind. Don’t let your legacy be one of causing hurt and chaos. I’m not here to prove anything to anyone except God. My goal is simple: spread light, spread love, and help others along the way.

I had to step away from social media for a while to honor my grief. Sometimes, we need to be still. And while grief can feel like a lifetime sentence, it’s necessary. It births new things—new mindsets, new perspectives, new goals, and sometimes even new life. Good grief happens to all of us; we just have to be open enough to see the lessons and the blessings.

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